I have really been going back and forth if I wanted to continue with this blog or not. With everything that is going on in my life I just didn't know if I wanted to put myself out there, if I wanted to be vulnerable. I have prayed about it a lot. And here I am.
I recently was diagnosed with PCOS, or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Basically it means that my body produces too much insulin and the wrong type of hormones. So in return it is making getting pregnant very difficult.
I never thought that when I found the man God created for me, and we got married, that I would ever have to think about medicine, or fertility treatments, or adoption. It isn't a topic that anyone talks about. It wasn't something I was ever prepared to think about. My doctor is very confidant that is something that we can beat. I have read lots and lots of information on the syndrome. I have seen woman that who just take medicine to control their insulin, loose 10 lbs. and then wal-la they get pregnant. I have also seen woman who it took 5 years of treatments and they get pregnant, then sadly I have seen woman who never got pregnant.
I know that I have to trust that God has a plan for this, and that His plan is good. But this is all so hard. There are times where I can go weeks and not think about it at all. And then there are days that I am so sad and heart broken I don't want to get out of bed. There are times that I whole heartily pray and feel so much peace that I know that everything will be OK. Then there are times when I am crying and yelling at God because I hurt so much.
We have a long road ahead of us, and many decisions to make. At the moment we are just waiting. I am trying to just enjoy my husband, and this time we have. Ryan is such an amazing man, he is so great at loving me. He reassures me that it is not my fault and that things will work out. He reminds me that God is faithful and walking through this with us. If I have to go through this then I am glad that I get to do it with Ryan.
I am not putting this out there for pity, or so that people treat me with kit gloves. I am putting it out there because I am hoping that through this God can use Ryan and I to impact one person. To show others even when things seem to not make sense and hurt so bad, that we can trust God is there with us.
So thank you for reading this.
