So, today I was thinking about Ryan and the last 5 and 1/2 years we have been together. And looking back my favorite times have been out really hard times. Like when we first started dating and I lived a little over 2 hours away. We use to talk on the phone for hours. About anything. We would make us ridiculous sayings that we thought were just so funny. But we really got to know each other on such a deep level. And I remember driving home from Clermont one day and just realizing I couldn't say goodbye anymore. So I sat on the side of the road and prayed and told God that I loved this man and I needed to be with him. 3 hours later I got approved to transfer to Clermont.
Another time that I loved was right before we got married Ryan lost his full time status. So we started off no benefits, both only working part time, with no idea how it was going to work. But it worked. Sometimes I don't know how but every month we paid the bills and put food on the table. But I loved that time because we couldn't go out we had to find ways to entertain ourselves for free. So we played board games, or cards, or went for walks, got redbox movies on special occasions. It was fun. We would go to Walmart at midnight just to go. Lame I know but it was fun. And we did it together. We didn't have much but each other and God, but we made it through. And I remember when it got to its worst we sat down and gave it God, and said we can't stress and worry where the money is going to come from, we give this to you. Two days later Ryan got the call he was going back to full time.
That all got me thinking about our struggle with trying to have a baby. I hope that one day I can look back on this struggle and remember it fondly. I think that I am also at a point where I cant let myself stress and worry. I need to live my life. I need to enjoy all that God has given me. An amazing husband who loves me more than I could ever have dreamed of. I know that one day Ryan and I will be parents, and we'll be good ones because we won't take a second of it for granted. But until then I am going to try and live this life I have now, and bask in all that God has already done for me.
